January 22, 2017

There is so much going on in my life in the past several weeks & unfortunately it has forced to me to take an inventory of my current situations. My husband does nothing to keep our house looking nice. I’m not talking about helping with cleaning the house but maintaining the outside. He works in an office & the second he walks in the door he turns the t.v. on, sits in his recliner & doesn’t move from that spot until he goes to bed. This has been going on for years & I just can’t take it anymore. He can’t even pay bills on time. Furthermore our 16 & 17 year old children follow his example. Both of them have chores & they never do them even after I remind them on a daily basis. My husband & 2 teenage children have no respect for me or anything I do to try & keep the house looking presentable. I have contemplated divorce because my husband isn’t even a husband anymore. I started my young life as a single mother to my oldest son who is 23 & just graduated college. After living on his own for so many years, I know have the added stress of him & his comments. I know it’s never easy moving back home after you’ve lived on your own for 4 years but I do not make him pay rent & he’s done nothing but complain since he’s been back. I was living a decent life being a single mom & I was under the impression that life was better when you settle down with the person you love. After almost 19 years of marriage my husband is the cheapest person I know. Our anniversaries come & go with nothing, not even a card. I know I can’t go on like this much longer & the more I think about, the more I believe I’m filing for divorce. I think that is going to get me on the road to recovery from this depression I’m in.

I used to be a very outgoing person until about 5 years ago. I just don’t understand how you can let your house fall apart & still not be bothered by it. I should’ve known something was up when he wouldn’t introduce me to his family while we were dating. The whole family claims to be Christians but they are so judgemental & critical of everyone it makes me sick.

Perhaps I’m wrong when I see the lack of ambition my husband has as well. I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t want to climb the corporate ladder but is content staying in middle management until he retires. Our 2 kids are taking right after him in that department as well. My husband is turning 5o in May & his inability to handle money has me very worried when we reach retirement age. Honestly the sight of him now makes me sick.

I had hopes & dreams for us when we got married & none of them will come true. I think the only way to fulfill my happiness is to leave him. I toy with the idea everyday. If I bring anything up to him he automatically goes on the defensive & plays that tit for tat game that he learned while growing up.

So the question is how do you stay with someone who drags you down whether it be by words or lack of actions? Understand that he’s not a mean spirited person just a person who gets miserable & cheaper with each passing day. All I know is tha I have to make a decision soon before I snap.

January 8, 2017

I stopped making new years resolutions years ago. To me it felt like I was just setting myself up for failure & I don’t need to disappoint myself any further.

I started reading a book that has for the most part, changed my outlook on things. After reading some of the book, I decided that I am going to make one “resolution” that would have a significant, positive change for me. I am making a concerted effort to remove any & all negativity from my life. I don’t know too many people who enjoy being surrounded by negativity but I guess I’m looking deep into the different ways that negativity finds it’s way into my world.

Little by little my life will be filled with positivity & the only negativity will be that which I cannot control.

Here’s to a positive 2017!

My First Blog Ever!

So here goes nothing. Attempting my 1st blog ever. I am a horrible writer but needed some kind of outlet. I am basically putting my thoughts “down on paper” for people to read & give input/advice on my rantings, thoughts or anything else that should be running through my mind. Thank you for reading & any ideas, help, etc…you provide.